Monday, January 29, 2007.
border: dashed white;padding: 10px;Monday, January 29, 2007
Wad's happening? I jus dont understand why must this be happening. I was feeling okay w/ them before, but now I feel Out of Place whenever i'm w/ them. I've been having this OP thingy since the startin' of the Yr. I'm always asking myself if their treating me as one of them. But, it seems that the answer is pretty obvious. They are not talking to me alrdy during recess time when I sit w/ them. Even if they have so, it's jus a few sentence. It's as if i'm really invincible. Perhaps, it's jus my own self thinking. I really wish it's my own self thinking that's why i'm feeling this way. But, I cant.!
After school today, I went to the Cyber Cafe to hang up w/ them. And not a single 1 of them at least talked to me. They jus left to do their Standard Procedure, and I was lyk saying to myself, " Hey wad about me? " And Louis was asking me to look after the bags. To think that he made me a Maid or a Guard Dog to look after.? Wad am I to u guys? Tell me.. Went back to my class and met Jun Yang, Black & Billy. I told Billy about my feelings & felt lyk crying. I jus dont noe why.
Sometimes, when I feel OP, I jus wanna run away from school and not see them at all. & I wanna go back to Philippines to study or transfer to another school w/ my Pinoy frens, or sometimes I also wish that it was Sunday everyday so that I can be w/ my Youthmates & haf lotsa fun.! =DDDD That's totally impossible. But I haf to hang onto this for lyk till "N" level ends and perhaps if I go to Sec5? Oh God.! I dont want to haf this kind of feeling anymore.! I feel lonely now in school. I'm jus a follower as in I follow where ppl go only. I want ppl to notice me and talk to me.
And somemore Jun Yang said this to me on the way to JP, " normil, lyk u got no frens alrdy. they all nvr talk to u in recess. " That sentence he made, made me want to sob even more.
* And to this Special fren, Louis. I'm sry for screaming at u today during training. Sry for being rude or wadever, I still think i'm not at fault. I haf the right to scold or scream at u. But pls understand this that, there's a time to be serious & there's a time to haf fun. Tournament has alrdy started, I dont want the team to slack. So yeah..
Frens, I hope u noe i'm referring to u. I noe u still regard me as ur fren, but I dont feel a sense of frens in me.
And yeah, still rmb how TranquilitySociety was created? Bryan wanted to form a Brother Lub gang and couldn't think of any name to name it. So I thought of lots of names and finally thought of the word Tranquility. And so, we both thought it was nice and decided to name it TranquilitySociety. And we started to recruit ppl, designed a logo. .
And yeah, i've decided to backout from the Society alrdy.
Bye.!
music. the drug everyone is addicted to.
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